"About what?"
"About us."
I took a moment of silence. He might took that silence as an answer that have multiple meanings. If he was such a pessimist - it could mean hesitation. But, if he was such an optimistic kind of person, he would take that as a trigger to confess more.
He waited for me to say a thing or two.
I felt the pair of those typical Indonesian brown eyes of his stared at me. They wished to reach mine; but I avoided the brown lenses by looking away.
I merely could not give him a stare.
He waited.
But, anything that would come up from my mouth was unpleasant to hear - I swore.
I suddenly forgot all human vocabulary.
I forgot where did I put my voice the last time I used it.
Feelings are no jokes, though sometimes love is a game to play for two.There was no easy way to say this. There was no easy way to say that you are not in the state of wanting a relationship. Yes, of course you want to be romantically involved to someone - but if there is a time for that, you're very sure that today isn't the right time for romance. Right now, there's something that consumes most of your focus, takes most of your energy, and catches the most attention.
And, that thing isn't love.
It doesn't mean that you can't be serious about love. In fact, you're the kind of a person who loves deeply once you are falling in love.
The beginning of a relationship is like planting seeds. It takes time to finally grow to a plant. It even takes longer time to bloom as a flower with beautiful petals. Though, life these days allow us to get result instantly - mention that coffee in sachets, instant ramen noodles, and dating applications, some things still requires process. We need to put things in the right places (compromising differences and accepting their values). We need to accept that though the sparks are exciting, there are those things that would be added up on the contra list. In the process, we're getting to know the other person and in the middle of it - most couples-to-be are failed.
If they failed compromising thing, then giving up is the ending.
