moodbooster

Benar, akan ada hari-hari yang tak berjalan sebagaimana mestinya
dan hari-hari yang dipenuhi dengan letih
sampai aku merasa tak lagi bersemangat
tidak lagi bahagia menghirup udara subuh yang biru
dan tidak lagi girang melihat wajah bernama rutinitas

tapi jika aku memutar kembali hari demi hari
dengan perlahan sampai tak ada sebisik angin yang terlewatkan
moodboosterku itu terselip di antara hari-hari yang melelahkan,
berdiri disana di antara jarum jam dan detik yang saling menghimpit

I'm On PMS

"Why are you so in rush?" he asked with a smile on his face.
He rarely shows the kind of smile to anyone. She was lucky to get the chance to see it, his happy smile that was meant for no one but her.
But, he didn't understand that she just couldn't keep her self calm when she was with her crush.
"I'm on PMS," she said cynically.
"Then, what should I do?" he asked again and the smile stayed still.
"Just shut up," she replied quickly.
But, deep down, she regretted what she just said, no, she didn't want him to shut up. She wanted him to speak, to give her his rarest smile, and to give her the chance of feeling close to him because his silence intimidated her in the coldest way. At least, when he asked why she was in rush, that's probably because he had noticed there was something different in her.
Responded to the order to shut up, he smiled widely and made fun of it. But, in the end both of them kept silence. The ice between them just melted.

A Journey: To find the happiness

I've done so much of... Asking questions about life, about happiness, about how to find happiness. I'm done with such experimenting to make my self happy.
I'm glad I had asked such deep questions about this life when people my age seems like having fun and living in their own romances. To ask such deep questions -to my self- is such confusing. At first, I was quite a bit depressed that all I found is a high brick wall.

I find happiness by doing the simplest of things - with people who love me.

'People who love me',
Ask your self a question, "who loves you the most among all people in this world?"
It's not your boyfriend, also not your very best of friends,
It's your family.

So, I spent many years of my teenage time to find out that the people who truly love me for the way I am is family.
The sad thing about growing up is you will be so busy socializing with your friends and growing up 'til you forget your family. 

I regret the time that I had wasted when I could have been with my family more.
So, I forgot about socializing online for a while - admit it, now some of you must be having an opinion that social media is an important thing, don't you? And you can't miss a day without posting something like your opinion and feeling in it.

I realized that by posting something on social media, you give people the chance to judge you buy what you're thinking at that moment which there's a big possibility that they don't judge you for who you really are, but for what you post up there. You just create an 'image' about your self by posting up there and your 'image' is very determined by what words you share.
I found out that social media is not that important. One of the reason is I'm not socializing with people who truly cares, I mean, if I already have people who truly care about me then why should I waste my time to socializing on social media than to be with those people who truly care?

So I put my phone away and take time to spend it with my family especially with my mom. I do a lot of little things like helping her. I do it sincerely and just very naturally, I feel so happy. Not the kind of rush in the tummy or the jumping adrenaline, but the tender one.

That's it.
If you want to be happy, take all your expensive high tech gadgets away, pay attention to your closest people, your family. Spend more time with them and make the best of every moments you're in.

We keep growing up and growing older. Sometimes we don't even realize that our parents are also getting older, too. We're not going to live forever with them, so, why are you still spending time on useless things when you have much more precious people to spend your time with?

happy Eid mobarak!

Happy eid mobarak!

Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan kali ini terasa cepet banget. Semoga tahun depan dan tahun2 berikutnya kita semua masih dipertemukan dengan bulan Ramadhan dalam kondisi keluarga lengkap dan sehat wal'afiat semua
Aamiin

Lebaran hari pertama, Alhamdulillah, sejauh ini berjalan dengan sangat baik. Lebaran tahun ini truly gave me lots of priceless experiences. Kebanyakan adalah pengalaman spiritual.

Tahun ini, ulang tahunku berdekatan sama lebaran. I wish to be better than before, way much better. I'm gonna change, that's all I'm intending.
I've changed so much for the past few years. Sometimes I can't believe if I've changed a lot from a monstrous and rebellious girl to my self now. A close friend even frequently asked me, "Is this your self? Your true self?"
I guessed she was just afraid if I was trying to be someone else, someone who isn't me, someone she doesn't know. I was not trying to be someone else, I was just simply changing.
Buat orang, berubah itu susah tapi, kalo kita-nya sendiri sudah punya kemauan keras buat berubah, itu nggak akan nggak mungkin dilakukan. Aku juga bersyukur bisa berubah menjadi lebih baik dalam waktu yang relatif cepat karena a change often takes long time.

Okay, jadi hari ini, aku merasa kalo aku menjalani lebaran dengan lebih baik dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya.
Tahun ini, memang sekeluarga baru kumpul pas malem hari, ya. Tapi, tahun ini aku ikut sungkem. Sebelum-sebelumnya, aku nggak suka dan selalu ngehindar dari tradisi ini. Sebenernya aku gitu karena aku malu minta maaf, aku sadar dosaku banyak banget ke keluarga. Honestly.
Tahun ini, akhirnya aku sungkem. I don't know, I just feel like I'm a slightly better person now...

Kumpul bareng keluarga itu event yang langka banget. Aku baru ngerasain senengnya kumpul sama orang-orang yang sayang sama kita. It feels warm. Tahun-tahun kemaren, honestly I didn't get anything from such event. Aku jadi ngerasa lebih sayang sama keluarga. Kita terlalu sibuk tumbuh dewasa di dalam dunia dan masyarakat sampe kadang kita lupa kalo ada orang-orang yang beneran sayang sama kita. Aku harus lebih pay attention sama keluarga dan nggak cuma sibuk grow up aja.
Kita emang harus grow up seiring bertambahnya umur, tapi kita juga nggak pernah boleh lupa sama keluarga.
Now I understand that every single moment is very precious.

Bicara soal angpao lebaran, alhamdulillah, aku masih dapet angpao lebaran. Jumlahnya banyak banget. Tapi, ada satu kejadian yang bikin aku sadar. Tadi, kakakku ngasih aku angpao lebaran. Kakakku ini udah dewasa, udah kerja, udah sukses, dan udah punya keluarga sendiri. Waktu aku dikasih angpao, something came to my mind, cari uang itu susah kita harus kerja dulu sampe capek dan pulang malem buat dapet uang.
Aku bertekad nabung angpao lebaranku ini. Aku nggak tau uang ini nanti dibuat apa tapi, aku cuma pengen nabung dulu aja.
Kalo dibeliin barang aku ngerasa sayang buat make uangnya. Uang ini dapetinnya itu susah, yang ngasih angpao harus kerja keras dulu, aku ngerasa sayang harus make uangnya untuk barang yang nggak ada kesannya dan bisa rusak.

But, hey! Money can never buy something that won't break. Money buys things that bring contemporary pleasure.
Money can't buy something that lasts.
The thing is it's not the money that brings you true happiness. If you look a little deeper that your family and relatives had had to work hard to get that money and they gave a few of their money to you as angpao lebaran, I'm sure you will not feel easy to buy anything with that money...
But, it's the moments and the people you're with on lebaran that makes you happy.
We don't need money to make us happy, but to be with the people that truly love us.
Kita nggak butuh kesenangan temporer, kita cuma butuh adanya perasaan kalo kita dicintai dan cuma dengan keluarga kamu bisa dapetin real happiness semacam itu.

Aku benar-benar happy lebaran kali ini.
Makasih Ya Allah :)

I'm officially turning 17

Hey, it's a very beautiful day! There are so much to write about. I'm still all excited about the birthday and the idea of getting older.

Birthday itu sangat exciting. Hari spesial yang cuma datang sekali setahun dan saking spesialnya sampe bisa dirayakan dengan berbagai cara. Kalo kebanyakan remaja lain bikin party buat 17th birthdaynya, aku nggak ngelakuin itu. Apa ya, I don't like wasting my parents' money on that kind of thing. I'd much prefer acara dinner biasa, well that's better. Kalo ngadain pesta, kita nggak akan bisa deket sama orang-orang yang deket sama kita karena pastinya akan ada banyak undangan, kan. Tapi, kalo dinner, rasanya itu atmosfernya lebih humble dan warm. Kita bisa interact sama orang yang beneran care dan sayang.

Semakin tua, aku semakin sadar kalo aku harus berubah jadi lebih baik.
Niatannya di umur yang sudah nggak anak-anak lagi ini aku pengen lebih dewasa, lebih kalem, lebih bisa sabar, dan lebih bisa mengendalikan diri. The first thing harus lebih dekat sama Allah SWT. Aku bersyukur di hari ulang tahunku Allah ngasih aku pencerahan untuk berubah dan introspeksi karena banyak orang di luar sana yang pas hari ulang tahunnya mereka sama sekali nggak ada niatan atau pemikiran untuk berubah. Such a precious thing.

Bicara soal birthday presents... Aku cuma dapet satu dari mama sama papa dengan jumlah yang alhamdulillah banyak banget. Nanti kalo disebutin malah dibilang pamer :P

Mama papa juga ngasih aku surat yang bikin aku nangis pas aku bacanya (padahal tadi lagi puasa dan nangis loh untung air matanya nggak ketelen). Aku terharu banget. Selama ini, aku terlalu sibuk interacted with others sampe aku sering bersikap nggak baik sama mereka. Aku nyesal sih dan aku pengen meluangkan waktu lebih banyak buat keluarga. Lebih jarang main sosial media kalo nggak penting dan lebih banyak interaksi sama keluarga. Pada hakikatnya, keluarga itu akan jadi orang yang paling care dan sayang sama kita.
I'm too busy growing up dan diribetin sama kenyataan yang nggak semuanya menyenangkan sampe aku sebel sama diriku sendiri. Begitu aku baca suratnya tadi, I couldn't hold back my tears. How happy they were when they saw me coming to this earth, how they love me ever since, and how they hope so much on me. Suddenly, I remember all my mistakes all this time and how I disappointed them by so many things I did.
Aku berniat dan insya Allah bakalan jadi anggota keluarga yang jauh lebih baik, lebih warm, lebih sabar, dan nggak nyebelin.
This really bring me to tears again and again. Allah, thanks for granting me such warm and happy family please keep us unite like this forever :')

Aku kira nggak akan ada temen-temen yang ingat hari ultahku tapi ternyata ada dan yang ngucapin banyaaak banget! <3 Makasih banyak ya teman-teman maaf aku nggak bisa balasin semua cuma sebagian besar aja :D
Di antara mentions happy birthday itu, aku secara nggak sengaja tahu kalo my old crush retweeted his classmate who is also a good friend of mine 's happy birthday mention to me. I told you, aku dan dia sama-sama nggak mengenal baik dan there was something before this. Mungkin dia juga cuma bisa dikategoriin sebagai acquaintance. Jadi, ketika dia retweet that, itu semacam... surprise. He still cares.