re(a)lationship.

I looked at our meaningless conversations. I looked at your recent question asking me to be close to you again. I clicked at your profile photo - smiling in that blue uniform, you look good as ever and I swear I admire that look of yours. I wonder - if anything is possible, I would put all my guards down and falling in love with you.

But, all these times I had been thinking bad of you. I judged you as some kind of Don Juan, meaning that you go through girls as easy as moving in between rooms. But I was tempted to talk with you - probably spending the time I have because it's better than doing nothing. I always found my self wondering about your true self - the real man beneath that uniform dealing with fears and probably feelings.

But judging you caused me to reflect my self - and I found out that I wasn't so much different with you.

I thought that I am ready to settle down in one relationship - dedicating my spare time for those video calls or meet ups, staying loyal to that significant other, and keeping up the bond under the possible storms ahead. I haven't mentioned about trust issues yet -

And I realized that I'm just a freebird loving the idea of being in love. Meaning that I agree with the idea of falling in love, letting that walls down for a little while, and enjoying the sparks by those flirtatious chats or possible meet ups. Though I see my self as mature enough to negotiate and being patient facing any difference, I still don't see that for now I want to settle down for a long period of time. Well - sure I want to be serious and get married some other day, but today is not the perfect time for me to start that.

I realized that both of us are seeking for love, but refusing to be committed to one person. I don't know whether we are afraid of getting too much attached to one person, afraid of getting our guards down, or just simply in wait for the right person to knock that walls down. I don't know.
But, I told you - I wasn't hoping for more but, what if the person we were waiting have been there all these times and we wasted them because we were thinking that they are not the one?